moving slow... but moving...

Weight last post: 267
Weight 10/30/04: 266
Weight 11/6/04: 262.8
Weight 11/13/04: 262.2
Weight this week: 261
Weight lost so far: 12 lbs.

Actually, I shouldn't complain about going so slow. It's working out to be about 3 pounds a week on average, which is perfectly respectable for someone in the early stages of weight loss with more than 100 pounds to lose. When I lose 27 pounds, about 10 percent of my starting weight, the meeting leader and I will discuss a goal weight, based on height, build, age. I don't really want to go down to the lowest weight for my height, which I think is something like 112. I'm not small-boned, in spite of being 5'3"; more like the larger side of medium-framed, if that makes sense. I have curves, and dammit, I want to keep them, thank you. I think the high side of the weight scale is something like 145, and that would be better for me.

I didn't start out doing this for looks, but to get my blood pressure and chloresterol down to a reasonable level. The vanity part is starting to kick in a little. I bought a sweater with a fake fur collar--it will be out of fashion next year, but it should be too big for me next year if I perservere. This week I wore slacks I haven't been able to get into for two years, and comfortably. Pants I bought this summer to get me through the winter aren't going to last the season, because they are already loose. Unless I can shrink them a touch. And dear goddess, I need a haircut... bad!

My poor mother isn't doing so well on this. She doesn't eat much, never did. Until this week she lost a half-pound at a time, but this week she gained a half-pound. Since she has a balance problem, she can't walk far without worrying about falling (she uses a cane out in public), and even though the meeting is only a few blocks away, she can't yet walk it. I admire her for hanging in with me, but if she can't make it past the new year, well, I understand. But at least she knows now why it was such a difficult thing for me to decide to do this--cutting down on butter is driving her nuts. And it broke her heart to learn that her beloved apple pie (her favorite dessert) is 9 points for a stingy slice (1/8th of a 9-inch pie). If you don't know Weight Watchers talk, don't worry about it--suffice it to say it's a shitload of calories.

We survived Halloween with its mini candy bars, we survived the fundraiser candy we both bought before deciding to go to Weight Watchers, and the next challenge is Thanksgiving on Thursday. Good news is that it will be just us two, no other family. Cuts way down on the stress. Onward and... um, downward!

"I feel like Martha Stewart being led to prison..."

Weight last week: 273
Weight this week: 267
Lost so far: 6 lbs.

My mother has decided to join me at Weight Watchers. This will be interesting, as my mother loves food, and she can't hear very well, so she didn't understand most of what the leader (a subsitute) said. I wasn't really sure Mom would do it. She contends she doesn't eat much, and she probably doesn't, but... she loves chocolate (not as much as I do), and she loves butter. She is not going to take well to cutting down on butter.

She's been pretty nervous about doing this. "I feel like Martha Stewart being led to prison," she said as we sat down. I laughed and told her I was proud that she was taking the step. It's just too hard with only one of us doing this, and that was a problem in the past. This time, when we cook (mostly Mom cooks right now) or when we go out to eat, we'll both be on the same page. Maybe.

It's not a competition between the two of us. She has much less weight to lose than I do, but she's also less capable of activity than I am, both because of age and balance problems. So we'll see where it goes.

The hardest day this week was Thursday, when the department manager brought in Godfather's Pizza for us because we broke some sort of record. I went nuts--had three slices--but I had optional points to work with and after a week of being careful, it tasted so good! So I was shocked that I lost 6 pounds. Some was water, I'm sure, and some was from staying away from the convenience store in the building where I work, or at least buying fruit and chocolate milk instead of three candy bars every morning at break. Go me! We'll see how I'm feeling about this as time goes on.

I miss chocolate, dammit...

Well, I do. Part of the thing with Weight Watcher's point system is that you can eat anything, but you only have so many points to work with. And if you can't find the right number of points in the book, you have this handy slide-rule thing to figure them out with. So far, most of my favorite foods are seven points, 10 points... the main dish of a big meal, maybe, but hard to justify for a snack just yet. So I've been making do with 2 percent chocolate milk, which is filling, and goodness knows I need to drink the milk anyway, but it's just not the same as a Russell Stover Pecan Delight.

Sunday I tried a Balance Energy Bar. It tasted like putty. Vaguely chocolate-wax coated putty at that. And the damn thing was five points. For five points I want real chocolate, silky-smooth sinful chocolate. I want crunchy nuts, chewy caramel, a rich truffle center. Not spackling compound.

And I don't even weigh in until Saturday, for crying out loud.

never say diet...

I never wanted to diet again. Even though I'm 5'3" and overweight, I had no desire to mess with my body again. It wanted to be fat; fine. I had tried Weight Watchers twice before in my life, lost a great deal of weight, and then hit the dreaded plateau. You people who have tried a diet, any diet, know what I mean. The scale doesn't move anywhere for weeks and weeks, then it moves up two, then down one, then up three. And it makes no difference what the hell you eat or when, either. So I figured, fuck it. If I was going to gain weight anyway, I might as well eat what I want, when I want. So I gave up, and my weight went up, then stayed put.
And that was that for several years. Instead of yo-yo-ing and stressing out over fat, I was just going to be fat and happy and healthy. Well, the upshot is... I'm no longer healthy, according to my doctor. My blood pressure is borderline high, and my cholesterol is going through the roof. So, against my will, I'm back on the weight loss merry-go-round for one more try. My attitude the first couple of times I tried Weight Watchers was good, but naive. Maybe negative and cynical will work better this time. :p
I'm just coming off an extremely stressful time in my life. Among other things, I had sworn off love for good--again. My love life has been the only thing consistently worse than my attempts at weight loss. *bad joke alert* Wanna know how to lose 175 lbs. in a hurry? Lose your love interest. Thank you very much, ladies and germs... I'm available for weddings, conventions....
To make things even more interesting, I'm the main caretaker of my 70-something mother. We live together, and mostly we get along quite well. Indeed, I have her to thank for the name of this blog. She wants me to lose weight... and yet she doesn't. She can drive me crazy with wanting me to lose weight, and in the same breath, when I have dinner, she's always asking me "are you SURE you had enough?"
Well, yes, dammit, I'm sure. I think.