I guess it could be summed up in three words: I've had it. Had it with saying no with no difference whatsoever. Had it with working out and hurting myself in the process. Had it with the false hope, false starts, feeling guilty for eating, feeling guilty for not working out enough. Had it with every plan proclaiming their way is the only way--sounds a bit like religion.
So maybe organized dieting is not for me. What is? I don't know. I mean, I know what to do. We all know. But if I can't do it alone and can't do it in a group, then what's next?
Meanwhile, I'm going to enjoy the holidays. Weight Watchers-free, Curves-free. Instead of jumping into a "program" the first of the year, I'm going to see what I can come up with that will work for me, and the heck with paying money and sitting in a group, or paying to hurt myself trying to keep up with the computer program. I don't want to be skinny. That is not the way I'm built, even when I weigh less. I just want to feel better.
This has been brewing for quite awhile. It came to a head when I got treated for sleep apnea this fall. The doctor wants to send me to--wait for it--Weight Watchers. No. Just... no. It hasn't been working for a long time, and I can't seem to get excited about doing the work. It's great, it works for awhile, better than any other program I've done... but no. I'm burned out. Otherwise, the sleep apnea treatment is great. Should have had a sleep study and a CPAP years ago. Maybe even decades ago.
The best thing is I have more energy, which instead of exercising, has been going towards the upkeep on a new house. Not enough more energy, mind you, and my back still complains any time I do something more intensive than doing laundry. And, to top it off, I think I'm getting the family arthritis. Oh, joy. Still, there is the promise of more energy yet. And winter is coming--lots of snow shoveling in the future. My back will not love that, even with an electric shovel. Still, exercise is exercise, and it all counts. Maybe after a winter of tending to the driveway and sidewalk, circuit training will be a piece of cake.
