on quitting (at least temporarily), or, I ain't gonna study dieting no more

I guess it could be summed up in three words: I've had it. Had it with saying no with no difference whatsoever. Had it with working out and hurting myself in the process. Had it with the false hope, false starts, feeling guilty for eating, feeling guilty for not working out enough. Had it with every plan proclaiming their way is the only way--sounds a bit like religion.

So maybe organized dieting is not for me. What is? I don't know. I mean, I know what to do. We all know. But if I can't do it alone and can't do it in a group, then what's next?

Meanwhile, I'm going to enjoy the holidays. Weight Watchers-free, Curves-free. Instead of jumping into a "program" the first of the year, I'm going to see what I can come up with that will work for me, and the heck with paying money and sitting in a group, or paying to hurt myself trying to keep up with the computer program. I don't want to be skinny. That is not the way I'm built, even when I weigh less. I just want to feel better.

This has been brewing for quite awhile. It came to a head when I got treated for sleep apnea this fall. The doctor wants to send me to--wait for it--Weight Watchers. No. Just... no. It hasn't been working for a long time, and I can't seem to get excited about doing the work. It's great, it works for awhile, better than any other program I've done... but no. I'm burned out. Otherwise, the sleep apnea treatment is great. Should have had a sleep study and a CPAP years ago. Maybe even decades ago. 

The best thing is I have more energy, which instead of exercising, has been going towards the upkeep on a new house. Not enough more energy, mind you, and my back still complains any time I do something more intensive than doing laundry. And, to top it off, I think I'm getting the family arthritis. Oh, joy. Still, there is the promise of more energy yet. And winter is coming--lots of snow shoveling in the future. My back will not love that, even with an electric shovel. Still, exercise is exercise, and it all counts. Maybe after a winter of tending to the driveway and sidewalk, circuit training will be a piece of cake.

Test

Testing Droid app. As you were.

catching up...

When I started this blog, sometime a million years ago it seems, I was yet again trying to lose weight, get fit, the whole healthy living thing. I suck at all that. It's 2011, I'm back to the weight I started at, got a CPAP machine for sleep apnea, bought a house, got my mother through stage 1 breast cancer and the loss of her older sister. That was just this year, a year that I'll be more than happy to see the end of (except for the buying the house part, mostly).

The best year was 2008, when I went to London in mid-October, of all the crazy times. Did lots of walking and sightseeing, ate and drank anything, discovered Weight Watchers in the UK had bacon in the supermarkets under their brand. The weather there was mostly uncharacteristically beautiful, though I did get a bit of the more usual rainy and cold weather the last two days. It's not cheap, but I could live there. Of course, as a tourist, I can say that; really living there might be a different story.

So, where to from here?

Honestly, I'm not sure. I stopped going to Weight Watchers this year. I can't quite get behind the whole "lose weight and everything would be better" thing, but I can't do the fat liberation, "I'm fat and just fine--deal with it" thing, either. I don't think losing weight is the solution to everything, but it would help with some things. It's trying to find that happy medium between spending every waking hour worrying about food and exercise, and letting myself die.

And, well... good luck with that, I suppose.